Again

I’m trying to figure it all out
Again. Every time I’m almost
there, the universe reminds me
I’m not the one who decides.

I’m trying to relax, to “roll with it”
Again. Every time I surface, another
roiling, foaming wave pulls me
back under.

I’m trying to be at peace with all this
Really. Every time I peel off a layer of skin
the one below it pinks,
tingling and ready.

I’m trying to tell you I am okay
Truly. Every time you call I hear the vacuum
of worry you’re trying to hide
from me, about me.

I’m trying to do it all over
Again. This time, the right way—
the way I should have done first,
before I knew any better.

I’m trying.