Although I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, I do enjoy the reflection that the approach of a new year encourages. For a while now, every autumn, I choose a word as a year-long meditation to move forward with.
The first time I did this, I chose “Fearless”. I liked it so much, I kept it for a second year. Next I chose “The Year of Me” (2018)—I summarized how that went in this year-end blog. 2020 is my Year of Purpose. But this article is about 2019, the Year of Vulnerability.
TLDR: I got exactly what I wished for. 2019 was quite a year for me…
- I lost a close friend to cancer and grieved deeply for the first time
- I got into a (short but horrific) relationship with a psychopath
- A new business idea flat-out failed
I’m working up the courage to share stories about #1 and #2 in future posts; I summarized the business failure here.
What I want to say now about the Year of Vulnerability is that it was necessary. It was painful and awful and I often wondered if I was being punished for the privilege and self-centredness of the previous Year of Me. 2019 tested all the work I had spent 2018 doing on Me.
I don’t know exactly what I was thinking when I chose the word “Vulnerability”, but I got what I asked for. The experiences challenged to live my own truths in the face of distress, humiliation, and failure. Today, I feel proud of myself and certain that I have grown and permanently changed in ways I wanted to (even when I didn’t really understand what I was doing).
These are the 2018 “Year of Me” blogs that stand out for me now, on the other side of 2019, the “Year of Vulnerability”:
- Matter Over Mind—I’ve maintained my “quiet mornings” ritual for two years now, and that’s directly related to Speaking My (own) Language (to myself)
- Denying Myself—I find I’m good at catching myself doing this now and can halt the process almost before it begins
- Stranger Than Fiction—it’s a continuing effort to separate my truths from “other voices”, but I’m getting pretty good at that, too.
- Quality Assurance—this lesson is locked in! My quality of mind is my top priority, and (no surprise), only good things come from that.
- What’s Your Number—I wish I’d known this truth when I was in my teens and 20s. But, as I watch my nieces navigate their way toward adult life, I realize I probably couldn’t have appreciated it at that age. Still, I hope that I’ve planted the seed in their minds so they can figure it out much earlier than I did.
Thanks for reading.
Future posts will be a mixture of blog-type experiences/lessons learned, poetry, and personal essays/storytelling. You can use the Subscribe feature in the footer of this website to receive new posts to your email inbox.