One year ago, I took the biggest leap of faith of my life. I closed the business that had fed and clothed me (and others) for nearly 15 years. There was no Plan B, just a certainty that I had to do this – to walk into the abyss and trust myself to navigate my way to a better place.
As I reread my journal entries from that time, I recall the fears and struggles of the decision. How would I survive, financially? Who was I if I wasn’t being paid to solve people’s problems? How would I stay sane without the reassuring barrage of emails and phone calls? What if I was making the biggest mistake of my life? How would I face people if I failed? What if I was about to prove all the naysayers and fear mongers right – that I was dreaming, that I was crazy?
I didn’t do it with a fuck-you disposition, either – that had never led me anywhere good in the past. Instead, I rolled with all the hard stuff.
I didn’t ignore the nagging voices of caution, fear, and “good sense”. I let the fear and the tension exist and found a new way to live with it.
Frequently I said (to myself and to others), “Well, I tried that other way of living for a long time, and it didn’t work. Now I’m going to try this other thing.”
Status Update
This is where I’m at now, doing this other thing:
- Learned what my mind and body want and need to be healthy, and am diligent about giving myself that
- Achieved my goal of starting every morning quietly, with journaling, reflection, and exercise
- Phrase Strategy has its first clients and the experience of doing this work is proving to be as rewarding and exciting as I had dreamed
- Attracting the right clients, and can clearly see who does and doesn’t fit
- My goal of a ~20-hour work week appears to be totally achievable
- Haven’t yet had to dip into savings, an unexpected surprise
- Achieved a comfort with myself and the world that has eluded me until now
- Let go of other people’s ideas about what a successful business person, or writer, or dancer, or human should look like, and more confidently pursue my own
- Am clear-headed and generally feel on top of my creative game
- Started work on the last to-do on my checklist of things I wanted to transform: how I manage relationships (of all kinds)
2019 Intentions
And these are the things I’ll be doing in 2019:
- Building Phrase Strategy into the force it wants to be in the world
- Maturing Smoothstyle into an entity bigger and stronger than me alone
- Continuing to re-focus on serving in the ways I am meant to (rather than in ways I feel obliged to)
- Moving confidently into new relationships (business and personal), strengthening existing ones, and letting go of those that don’t serve me anymore
- Continuing to practice abundance and root out fear, blame, and contraction wherever I encounter it in my life and mind
- Finding and conquering new challenges and overcoming limitations as I discover them in myself
- Continuing to embrace this work-in-progress that is me
Make your progress report
Instead of thinking in terms of New Year Resolutions (making them or shunning them), try taking a few minutes to do a personal progress report.
- What did you accomplish in 2018 that you’re proud of and will bring forward into 2019?
- What will you leave behind as you move into 2019?
Progressive Tense 